Monday, August 26, 2019

Why does my son always say no?


Why does the child always say no? When is it a simple whim and when is it used to express one's identity? The advice of the educator to manage the oppositional phase of the children.
The child always says no
Considering the season in which we find ourselves imagine this scene: you are under the umbrella and your child has been in the water for a couple of hours, it's time to leave, what will be your answer? A strong and dry "No"! Patience if his lips have turned purple or his fingers have taken on a whitish color, at the "last" dip of the day he just does not want to give up. , to screams of terror that would make even the nearby beach umbrella shudder. At the umpteenth recall and at the umpteenth refusal your child finally comes out of the sea as if nothing had happened and between an embarrassing smile and a reproach you ask yourself why it is so disobedient?
Opposing phase of the child
Since children start talking, "NO" will be one of the words you will hear most. Around the age of two or three they become more and more aware of themselves. They identify their self from that of others and acquire an increasingly marked personality. Through the "NO" the child feels autonomous and this puts a strain on the parents' patience.
The "no" is not a whim
At this age the whims are the order of the day, but be careful not to get confused! We have said that the No is a way to express independence therefore it must be taken seriously, but also with a certain detachment. It is important to understand that the child is going through a phase of his development and that all the No's that you will hear pronounce absolutely comply with the norm, yes, but what an effort, you say!
Why does he always say no?
Simple, it is a short and effective word. There are children who pronounce it with a certain ease, others who add facial expressions by opening their eyes, others still after having pronounced it remain open-mouthed for a few seconds and open their arms, what to say, they deserve the Oscar! It is also a word that the adults themselves pronounce most of the time towards them: "No, no and no" they said if the jelly was overturned, if they approached the power sockets or if the antique vase of the grandma was going to end badly. The children are used to hearing it and it is normal that they fall fully into their still unripe vocabulary. It must be said however that often the improper use of the word is made, sometimes it is used without knowing its true meaning or the context in which to insert it, but the little ones pronounce it for the sake of saying it.
We cannot expect a child to listen to us simply by repeating the same command one, two or three times. If anything, it would be more effective to try to trigger a reaction in them. The best thing is to make sure that the actions that are requested do not require a particular mental effort, but a practical comparison with reality.
How to manage "no"?
Simply saying "have a lot of patience" is not enough. Ok, it's a phase of growth for children, we have understood it, but it is not enough to manage these moments (let's not call them crisis, please!). What to do then? Many experts talk about the "terrible two years" and to survive parents should follow few tips. Let's see them together:

  • Offer a choice. Most of the time the children say No to a question from their parents. Turn it instead in your favor, ask your child a question that involves a choice in which you present two options (no more so as not to be confused). For example: "Do you want to eat meat or fish?" In this way you will offer your child the opportunity to respond precisely, rather than simply referring to a simple No.
  • Establishing rules. Setting rules within the family that are respected by all members and not just by children is a useful educational tool. There are rules to which you can't really turn a blind eye, first of all those that concern safety at home and outside and then those related to the routine of the day (washing hands before eating, brushing teeth, bathing ... )
  • Don't limit yourself to the No. It is important to go beyond this word, to try to understand in what circumstances it is said, it is fundamental to know our children more deeply. Reproaching him by offending him is not productive and above all educational. Calling the child "liar" or "bad" will lead him to have a more hostile attitude towards you. Never offend him so if his behavior is wrong. The so-called dirty words, even though they may seem mild, have a devastating effect in the little ones. They are just a means of venting, just like the beatings, for those who tell them that they don't lead anywhere, rather they only tend to make things worse. In summary, we said that around the age of two, children learn to say No and repeat it often and willingly. It should not be confused with whims, even those typical of the age, and this phase of rebellion tends to decrease towards the three years.

The fundamental task of parents is always to set the right example in raising their children. The task of the children, however, is to take all the good things that parents can offer!

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