Monday, August 12, 2019

Why my child asks all the time Why?

mininuni


For Lorenzo the phase of Why has begun.
Around the age of two or three they enter the phase of whys, the one in which, as a game or curiosity, each adult around is targeted and subjected to an endless barrage of linked questions, worthy of the best TV show quizzes. Phase of whys: when and how
You have to know the phase of why it depends on the development of language and, consequently, it varies greatly from child to child. In very general terms we could say that it occurs between two and three years, from the end of the last nursery year, and can therefore continue even up to seven or eight years. However, besides age and development, the character also counts: it is true that the properties of language and the ability to understand must be quite strong, but at least in a first phase, reference is made especially to the relationship with adults. This means that the child must already be quite ahead with the language skills, but must also be brought to interact in a continuous and so strong way with an adult, something that a more timid, thoughtful or introjective child may do more difficult. Ideally we could divide the phase of the whys in two: the first goes from two or three years, in fact, up to five or six. In this period it is the adult who is the only reference for the child. Starting from about six years, with the discovery of writing and reading and the beginning of school, the "victim" of why could also become the older brother or cousin: the child wants to interact with his peers or similar -pari.

Why the why?
This phase is linked to the natural curiosity of the little ones: they see the black storm clouds approaching and ask what is happening. It is a curiosity with respect to new or misunderstood stimuli.
 Sometimes all these questions are more a way to attract attention, especially when they are linked. The end is not (anymore) the answer, but the interaction itself. A bit as if the child were saying "if the big man manages to keep up with me, then I'm able to interact with him". This need for attention occurs above all when the children are still small, in fact the more they grow and the more their questions are fruit of real interest, this means that they will be satisfied even less than summary answers.

How many questions to answer?
Let's face it, the first questions that are asked of the great, with eyes full of wonder and that make us see the world with different and new eyes are wonderful. At the number 3,479, after a heavy day of work, it is not necessarily the case. The expert reassures: I find it normal that, at a certain point, patience ends and that ways are sought to safeguard even one's psycho-physical survival. Undoubtedly it is right to satisfy the curiosity of children, but it is not necessary to go beyond one's level of tolerance, which will be different from day to day.

When it is right to set a limit
If the phase of why does not affect only mother, father, grandparents or adults of reference, but any adult meets on the street or in the park, however, it is right to give containment.

End the questions: four plus one ways
 it is absolutely legitimate to try to break the chain:
Distract the child;
Propose something new to focus on;
Turn the situation upside down and ask the child why or according to him / her what is happening, involving the child in an attempt to answer, especially if you do not want to break the interaction that is being built at that time;
Set a halt, explaining that now is the time to go to dinner or that it is time to stop asking questions, but that it could be resumed tomorrow or in the afternoon or at any other time.
These ideas are valid especially for younger children. With larger ones - starting in elementary school - they may be ineffective. Up to the age of five or six, children are not interested in a technical explanation. When they start to have access to technology, to go to school, maybe even already knowing how to read and write, instead, curiosity must be satisfied in a different way. Maybe they could be involved in small research so that they themselves give an answer to their doubts. In any case, even telling the child to ask dad or grandmother or another adult is fine: we are human and can be tired of answering.

mininuni
Trying to explain what is this necklace?


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